My friend Sam was in the synagogue and an older man called over to him: \u2018hey!\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Er\u2026me?\u2019<\/p>\n
Sam didn\u2019t know this guy and looked around to see if he meant someone else to come over.<\/p>\n
\u2018Yeah\u2019, the man beckoned Sam over. \u2018Are you a Liebman?\u2019<\/p>\n
Sam was astonished. \u2018Yes. How did you know that?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s the way you walk, the Liebman way. Looks like you\u2019re in a hurry.\u2019<\/p>\n
Sam was taken aback, and felt a bit exposed, having been seen in such a perceptive way. Afterwards he wondered what else was on view that he didn\u2019t know was noticeable to others.<\/p>\n
Next day on his way to his weekly therapy session he was clear he wanted to tell this story to Simone, whom he\u2019d been seeing each Tuesday at mid-day.<\/p>\n
\u2018How did you feel when he told you that?\u2019 she asked in her usual calm way.<\/p>\n
\u2018To start with I hated it\u2026 seemed like he\u2019d put his finger on something, a bit like touching a sore wound. Maybe deep down, I felt like other stuff would be on view, and I don\u2019t know what it is.<\/p>\n
\u2018Then later, I thought it was useful. It got me thinking about how he\u2019s right, I\u2019m always on the go, sometimes my mind racing, trying to get the next thing done, not stopping to enjoy fully the thing I\u2019m doing right now.<\/p>\n
\u2018I guess you might say I\u2019m continually low-level anxious.\u2019<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n There was a pause, as the two of them sat with this for a moment. Simone waited to see if Sam wanted to say more, and then asked:<\/p>\n \u2018How far back does this go?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ve thought about that\u2019. Sam was glad that he\u2019d got into the habit of \u2018scanning back\u2019 to see connections between himself now and his early years, as a kid.<\/p>\n \u2018When my mother used to take me to school, she was always in a rush, walking faster than me. She\u2019d yank me by the arm if I was going too slowly. There was never any time<\/em><\/strong>.\u2019<\/p>\n A lump formed in Sam\u2019s throat.<\/p>\n \u2018It reminds me of when Juliette used to take me to school\u2019. Juliette was the French au-pair of whom Sam had talked fondly during earlier sessions.<\/p>\n \u2018She\u2019d go just at the right speed<\/em><\/strong>, and every so often\u2026.\u2019<\/p>\n Simone didn\u2019t interrupt this pause\u2026 she carried on sitting, waiting, listening.<\/p>\n Two small tears formed in Sam\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u2018\u2026 she\u2019d stop, and\u2026<\/p>\n \u2018\u2026 we\u2019d look at a garden\u2019.<\/p>\n Sam could hold back his tears no longer, put his head in his hands and wept.<\/p>\n He\u2019d told Simone about Julie before, and there had been one or two jokes and affectionate anecdotes. But this time it felt different. The feelings went through Sam in a physical way, and he managed for a moment to let go of the need to think.<\/p>\n For a while he felt like he\u2019d never stop crying, as he noticed his body shaking with grief. He could hear Simone\u2019s gentle breathing and sensed her presence, and was glad that for the moment she was saying nothing to interrupt this flow.<\/p>\n That evening he was sitting and digesting what had gone on earlier. During his therapy Simone was sometimes coming in with ideas, thoughts and perspectives, and then, at other times, it seemed she didn\u2019t say very much \u2013 just the odd question to nudge things along.<\/p>\n Today\u2019s session was just such a time. She\u2019d left it to Sam to make any connections that might fit. It was a relief that Simone had the confidence to hold back and allow Sam to do this work in his mind, in his heart. (1.)<\/p>\n Next week at the synagogue Sam went over to the older man and the two shook hands. No words, just a greeting.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u2018Don’t do something, just sit there!\u2019<\/p>\n Sorry I can\u2019 remember the original source.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My friend Sam was in the synagogue and an older man called over to him: \u2018hey!\u2019 \u2018Er\u2026me?\u2019 Sam didn\u2019t know this guy and looked around to see if he meant someone else to come over. \u2018Yeah\u2019, the man beckoned Sam over. \u2018Are you a Liebman?\u2019 Sam was astonished. \u2018Yes. How did you know that?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[14,7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/873"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=873"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":875,"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/873\/revisions\/875"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/richardmills.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n